Scene Outside an Italian Restaurant
Peter Cavell
July 27, 2005
       Hah, he thought, take THAT!  He grinned.
       Except then they did.  They took it like it was their own.  Took it and ran off with it.  And he was left with a grin plastered on his face, wondering why on earth they'd done such a thing.  What exactly were they hoping to do with it?  And what was he going to do now that he no longer had it in his possession? 
       The whole situation was just too weird.  Looking around, he could see that everyone in the pizzeria was starting at him, waiting to see how he'd react, as if this were some sort of tv show or something.  He felt like slapping them all on the side of the head and screaming, "no, you fools!  This is real life!  Nothing planned, nothing staged, it's all being made up on the spot!   And made up rather poorly, too.  Yes, he felt like screaming and raging and taking out his anger on these dullards, but he was coming to realize that what he really needed was some fresh air, and fast.  He shook his head in disgust and went out to the parking lot.
       Things weren't really any better outside, though.  They'd slashed his tires as they fled the pizzeria, so he obviously wasn't going anywhere any time soon.  He leaned against the car to catch his breath.
       It was only then that he noticed what was going on at the other end of the plaza.  Apparently his malefactors were having a bit of trouble getting their own car started.  One of them had the hood open, and the other kept trying to turn the key in the ignition.  They were still wearing the party hats, and were arguing over whose fault this whole business was.  They were so engrossed in their bickering that they didn't even notice him until he was standing right next to their car.
       "Need a boost?", he asked.
       They froze.  They hadn't anticipated this.
       He took advantage of their uncertainty to retrieve it from the back seat of the car.  He slipped it back into his pocket, then devoted his full attention to the still-immobile duo.
       "I am very, very disappointed in both of you,  he said, and calmly began to beat them to a pulp.
       Mid-pummelling, they managed to spur themselves back into action, however panicky it was.  The one who had been looking under the hood brought up his hands to ward off his attacker, and screamed pitifully.  The one in the car miraculously managed to start the engine.  He reversed sloppily out of the parking spot, slammed it into drive, and took off down the road, the hood still propped open. 
       Now that he'd retrieved it and taught his would-be assailants a little lesson, he didn't feel nearly as angry.  He left the remaining cretin sprawled on the sidewalk, and headed off to the ice-cream shop for some dessert, whistling as he went.
       He shook his head wryly as he walked away.  What a world, he thought.  What an absolutely moronic world.
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